Lines written after Christmas visits to various members of my friends-family.
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INAPPROPRIATE AUNTY
I’m your Inappropriate Aunty
The sister your mum never had
When I arrive I kiss too hard
Rub up against your dad
I call myself your aunt but
In fact we’re not related
It’s just as if Johnny Rotten and
Amy Winehouse mated
I’ll talk about my period
Light my farts for a party trick
Poke Granny in the boob for a right old laugh
Giggle at a toddler’s dick
I’lI say fuck at the table
Talk tits to teenage boys
When all you mothers are asleep
I’m fumbling with sex toys
Coz I’ve still got my libido
Coz I’ve no kids of my own
Instead of keeping cosy family
Pictures on my phone
I’ve got a shot of my vibrator to
Remind me what I like
It’s the perfect bedtime story when I
Tuck me in at night
I choose not to have children but
I like them nonetheless
Especially when I can show off my
Inappropriateness
I’m the irresponsible adult
I’m your mentor-mentalist
Don’t do as I say nor
Do as I do
Just do what you like when I babysit
I’ll let you stay up really late
Take sips of aunty’s whiskey
You can have a go on my cigarette
Or indulge in something more risky
I’ll skin up with the kids,
Do a bong behind closed doors
Tell drug stories from my past to prove that
Aunty ain’t no bore
I’m not your blood relation
But I’ll be your favourite aunt
I’m a family law unto myself
I’ll say what parents can’t
They fuck you up your mum and dad
Or so Phil’s poem goes
But I’m your Inappropriate Aunty
And we all need one of those.
More of that please, is there music with it yet. I have been doing dirty pictures for a long time and woke up this morning with all kinds of ideas for nice things to do with my model K. It involves mud and color and masks… lets get together, C