Mama Tokus blog-post: Real Lady lyrics

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Lots of people have been asking after the lyrics for my cheeky cosmetic surgery rant-rap Real Lady (set to Eminem’s Slim Shady tune).
 

You can see the video on YouTube right here, but how about a read of these?
 
NB: There ARE rude words…
 
Real Lady
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Ladies please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Ladies please stand up?
We’re gonna have a problem here…
 
Y’all act like you never seen a real woman before
Jaws all on the floor
like Audrey just burst in the door
and started pukin’ her ring worse than before
fingers down throat, throwin up over furniture (eurgh!)
 
It’s the return of the… “Ah, wait, no way, you’re kidding,
I didn’t just say what I think I did, did I?”
And Feminism said… nothing you idiots!
Feminism’s dead, she’s locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
 
Feminist women love Mama T
[wigga wigga wigga]
“Real Lady, I’m diggin’ she
Look at she,
 
Walkin around grabbin her you-know-what
Flappin her you-know-who,”
 
“Yeah, but she’s so cute though!”
 
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what’s goin on in your sisters’ bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and let rip, but can’t
but it’s OK for Jordan to talk shit
 
“See my massive tits, see my tiny thighs”
And she lives on in magazines while women’s progress dies
And that’s the message that we deliver to all the guys
And expect them all to care where a woman’s clitoris lies
 
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they drop their ballses
They got the Discovery Channel ain’t they?
 
“We are humanistic, well some of us is plastic”
Cut open for cosmetics, but if
We can inject stuff from a piggy’s scrote
Have vaginoplasty at lunchtime or a brand new nose
If you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women burn your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes
 
[Chorus: repeat 2X]
I’m a lady, yes I’m a real lady
All you silicone ladies are just imitating
So won’t the real, real ladies please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?
 
I’m a lady, yes I’m a real lady
All you silicone ladies are just imitating
So won’t the real, real ladies please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?
 
Cheryl Cole can’t even eat coz she gotta sell records
well I do, so fuck her and Simon Cowell too!
You think I give a damn about a tummy?
Half of those critics can’t even stomach me, let alone keep up wid me
 
“But Mama, what if you fat, wouldn’t it be weird?”
Not gonna live my lifetime all afeared.
So you can put me there next to Britney Spears?
In a schoolgirl suit, legs behind my ears
So all you guys can sit there with your nuts fit to burst
And fantasise about who I give head to first
 
I ain’t your bitch, coz I belong to me
Y’all better listen to Mama T
And you can download one’s audio on MP3
And tell the whole world how I truly am a Real Lady
 
I’m sick of all your misogyny
All you do is annoy me
So I have been sent here to destroy you
And there’s a million of us just like me
who cuss like me; who just don’t give a fuck like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!
 
[Chorus: repeat 2X]

‘Coz I’m a lady, yes I’m a real lady
All you silicone ladies are just imitating
So won’t the real, real ladies please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?
 
I’m a lady, yes I’m a real lady
All you silicone ladies are just imitating
So won’t the real, real ladies please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?
 
I’m like a head trip to listen to, cause I’m only givin you
things you joke about with your friends
inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
in front of y’all and I ain’t gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it
I just shit it
better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
 
It’s funny; cause at the rate I’m goin when I’m ragin’
I’ll be the only woman in the nursin home agin’
The others at 32 permanently stayin’
Silicone tits which are gravity defyin’
 
And many of you women have been botox-injectin’
And swallowing bottles of phytotrileptin
“You’re worth it” they said
But I don’t give a fuck
I’ll take my chances with Lady Luck

 

So, will the real ladies please stand up?
And put the middle finger on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind but in control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
 
[Chorus 4X]
‘Coz I’m a lady, yes I’m a real lady
All you silicone ladies are just imitating
So won’t the real, real ladies please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?

 

‘Coz I’m a lady, yes I’m a real lady
All you silicone ladies are just imitating
So won’t the real, real ladies please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?

 

‘Coz I’m a lady, yes I’m a real lady
All you silicone ladies are just imitating
So won’t the real, real ladies please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?

 

‘Coz I’m a lady, yes I’m a real lady
All you silicone ladies are just imitating
So won’t the real, real ladies please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?

 

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